DANVERS - Forget what your mother said. You don't have to finish all the food on your plate - in fact, you shouldn't. And come to find out, it's OK to rest your elbows on the table at certain times.

A crowd of North Shore residents got a crash course on courtesy during a Beverly Chamber of Commerce workshop yesterday, called "From Ethics to Etiquette: Transforming the Face and Soul of Today's Workplace."

After a morning of seminars at the Danversport Yacht club, good manner guru Jodi R.R. Smith swooped in for an 11:30 luncheon to correct the guests on everything from how to hold their napkins and butter their bread to how to properly sip soup.

"There are two overarching guidelines," she said as she patrolled the room, wearing a red suit and pearls, and scoping out bad habits. "(A meal) is a great big Simon Says game. If the host or hostess orders a glass of wine, then you can. If they order soda, you can only get soda.

"The second guideline is to get through the meal without grossing anyone out," she said.

Smith, who lives in Marblehead, runs the etiquette consulting firm Mannersmith in Salem, which she founded almost 11 years ago. She has written books on etiquette, appeared on television and coached everyone from servers at weddings to business travelers who need to learn cultural customs.

Yesterday, she coached about 70 local businesspeople on gracious dining and how to avoid "etiquette emergencies," as she called them. She kept the crowd laughing - and sitting up straight - as she rattled off a litany of tips and put the brakes on nose blowing at dinner.

"The napkin is not a handkerchief, even a paper napkin, even at McDonald's," Smith said. "If you are a dripper, you're allowed to dab at the table. But no blowing. Blowing is disgusting, which is against the gracious dining rules."

Those who attended yesterday's seminar, including bankers and hospital administrators, said they were enlightened, but it will take awhile to learn new habits, like the "continental" eating style Smith promotes, in which the fork is held in the left hand, tines facing downward.

"I think I had never eaten continental style," said Cynthia Bowen, development and alumni relations manager at Montserrat College of Art in Beverly.

"The most important thing I learned is that it's all right to be 'Simon' at the table, especially in a business situation," said Lisa McFadden, assistant director of corporate and donor relations at Salem State College, "to have it be confirmed that as a woman, I can be in charge."

The other speakers who presented at yesterday's workshop were Beverly business leaders Mary Puma, CEO of Axcelis Technologies in Beverly; Joe Ippolito of the Sandler Sales Institute; and Irene Sinteff of the Institute for Corporate Training and Technology, who covered presenting yourself at work and gender differences in the workplace.

The event cost $50 per person.

"She has a no-nonsense approach to etiquette," said Dianne Palter Gill, a dean at North Shore Community College who is also in charge of work-force development for the Beverly Chamber of Commerce and organized the event.

Three top etiquette "No no's"

* Weak handshakes

"A bad handshake really taints a first impression."

* Cell phones and Blackberries

"I could go on and on. People are addicted. People need to remember that we are the master and the electronic item is a tool. I think some people get that confused."

* E-mail thank-you notes

"E-mail is not OK. It says, 'I cared enough to do the very least.' A handwritten thank-you note is a low-cost, high-impact business tool."

Mealtime manners

Eating in the business world to impress, not disgust, as told by Jodi R.R. Smith

Top foods to avoid

* French onion soup

* Linguine

* Spaghetti

"You should be looking for things that are easy to eat with a fork and a knife."

Never put on the table

* Eyeglasses

* Cell phone

"Your phone is next to your mouth, in the bottom of your briefcase, on your floor, next to your ear, your hair. When's the last time you washed your cell phone?"

Cleaning your plate

* Always leave a little bit

"You never want the host or hostess to think they haven't provided you with enough to eat."

Elbows

* At the end of a meal

"When you are down to just coffee, you can put your elbows on the table."

Chicken skin

* Instead of removing it all at once, keep pushing it back.

"It's more like a strip tease. And never banish it to the Siberia of the bread and butter plate!"

Salt and pepper

* Pass salt and pepper together.

"Never divorce the two."

* Put salt into your hand, then onto the food.

* Never salt food before you taste it.

Soup

* "Bring our food to our face, not our face to our food."

* "We're not putting the entire spoon in our mouth. It's not like taking Robitussin as a child."

Lipstick

* "If you make a kiss mark on a glass, keep drinking from that exact same spot so there are not kiss marks all around the glass."

* Don't apply lipstick at the table, only in the restroom.

Sandwiches

* "Take the top piece off and eat with a fork and knife."

Food in teeth

* Step one: Close your lips and run your tongue over your teeth.

* Step two: Take a brisk drink of water. "Not gargling."

* Step three: If steps one and two don't work, excuse yourself to the restroom.

"You are not allowed to use your knife as a mirror or a toothpick."