They call people like Lucille Civiello silent heroes. Her nine children call her a saint.
"Not a lot of people would do what my mother has done," her oldest daughter, Mary, says.
In 1982, Civiello's husband, Tony, suffered a massive stroke at the age of 50. He was a strong, Italian man who never got sick, never spent a night in the hospital. It wasn't like him to go home for a nap in the middle of the day. Lucille left work to check on him. The second she saw Tony, she called the ambulance.
"He will succumb within the hour," the doctor at Salem Hospital told her. The priest came to deliver last rites.
Her husband survived, and slowly improved, but life would never be the same. Not for Tony, or Lucille.
Tony could not talk. He could not walk. He was angry. But Lucille was determined to bring him home to Salem to be the father figure he had always been.
Twenty-five years later, Lucille is still taking care of Tony at home. In a recent ceremony at the Statehouse to honor family caregivers, Lucille, now 72, was saluted for her "time, love and dedication." Seven of her children (two live out of state or country) made the trip. A friend suggested she frame the certificate and hang it on the wall like a doctor. So she did.
"Why did God do this to me? I never said that. I feel blessed that he lived," Lucille says. "I know doctors will say to me, 'He's been home all these years?' They seem surprised."
Lucille gives a lot of credit to her supporting cast — the doctors and nurses at Salem Hospital, the adult day care where her husband spends three days a week, North Shore Elder Services, and, of course, her children — for making it possible for Tony to be with her. She appreciates the close friends who let her vent in weak moments. She gardens, walks and swims to keep strong.
"She's one of these people who could balance a billion balls in the air at once and do it gracefully," says Pat McMahan, Tony's caseworker at North Shore Elder Services.
Lucille deflects the compliments in a gracious way. She is doing what needs to be done. She has her moments of despair like anyone else.
"A lot of people will say, 'He should be put in a nursing home. Why do you do this?' Blah, blah, blah," Lucille says. "Look, he's my husband and I love him. We just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary."
What Lucille wants, and the reason she agreed to an interview, is for people to support the "army" of family caregivers out there who need someone to look after them, too. Stop by for a coffee. Offer to stay at the house for an hour so they can slip out for a haircut or a walk. Give them a call.
"It's stressful. It gets lonesome. There's just so much to it," she says. "I think people forget about them sometimes."
On her refrigerator, in the middle of photographs of her 19 grandchildren, Lucille keeps a candid black-and-white of her and Tony taken when they were dating. They are smiling with eyes locked. They look in love.
"He was so loyal, so truthful, always on time. He was just a great guy," Lucille says. "He still is."
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Staff writer Susan Flynn can be reached at 978-338-2658 or by e-mail at sflynn@salemnews.com. Her column appears Saturdays in The Salem News.
