SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

July 2, 2013

Dear Abby: Husband wanting good loving should be good lover himself

:Dear Abby: I’ll bet you’ve gotten a ton of mail about “Mike in Missouri” (March 15), who was worried about his wife’s declining sex drive. While your point about hormone levels is a good one, it could be something simpler than that.

I am a wife who would love to have sex more often, but I’m TIRED! I work full time and do most of the household chores. I also do most of the cooking.

When my husband heads up to the bedroom at 10:00 and gives me that “come hither look,” I’m not in the mood for sex. I’m thinking about the two loads of laundry and the sink full of dishes that still need to be done. Or I’m trying to remember whether I signed that permission slip for our daughter and making a mental note about picking up my prescriptions on the way to a client meeting in the morning.

Speaking of prescriptions, is Mike’s wife perhaps on birth control pills? Those can decrease a woman’s sex drive. I took a particular pill for a year before realizing how much it killed my desire. My doctor changed the prescription. Although there’s a big difference, I’m still too tired to do much about it most days.

However, my husband has figured out I have more energy in the mornings, so his timing is better on those “come hither looks.” Now if I could only get him to help out more with the chores ...

:G. In Dayton, Ohio

:Dear G.: Thank you for sharing. And you’re right — readers wasted no time flooding my office with comments on this topic:

Dear Abby: After conversations with women of all ages, I have concluded that more often than not, it is the husband who has caused the wife’s sex drive to diminish, not hormones or other physical problems.

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