The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy and sharing, an opportunity to spend time with friends and family and rekindle relationships. Instead, it's often the most stressful part of the year, with family and financial obligations, time constraints and excessive commercialization as contributing factors. Add to this loneliness and poignant memories of lost loved ones and it's no wonder people get the "holiday blues."
North Shore health professionals, life coaches and clergy offer some relief with sessions on how to deal with holiday stress. Their approaches vary but the desired outcome — alleviating tension during the holidays — is the same.
Say Yes
Carrie Stack, founder of the Say Yes Institute in Salem, is a life coach, counselor and trainer who worked in the non-profit field before starting Say Yes more than two years ago. Through Say Yes, Stack often works with managers and supervisors, teaching "emotional intelligence," or people skills. She recently appeared on Fox News to discuss tips and strategies for dealing with stress around the holidays.
"The holidays, ironically, are supposed to be a time of joy and peace, and the (greeting) cards reflect that, but this is a time when people are the most stressed, particularly in this economy," Stack said.
The optimistic Stack sees the current economic recession as a chance to reshape the holiday season.
"It could be a time of enjoying friends, family and relationships, which really is what makes up our lives," she said.
To accomplish this, Stack advises placing less emphasis on shopping and gift-giving and more on concentrating on shoring up relationships.
"The holidays should be about friends, family and connecting, and what it has turned into is a time of materialistic accumulation," she said. "People are just buying and consuming. This could be an opportunity to reshape things into the hope of what it could be."
Stack said families could start new, positive traditions, such as revisiting family photos, telling stories or verbalizing why people are grateful. This should be fun and not involve spending money, she added.
Ultimately, Stack said people looking for the negative will find it, so she advises to "change the lens in which you look through in your life."
Be mindful
Resha Crowley and Rob Wall, nurses and instructors with the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, are two weeks into a three-week Holiday Stress Reduction session at St. Andrew's Church in Marblehead, where they impart ways to reduce holiday stress without taking away time from family and season's obligations.
Crowley and Wall recommend people take a more mindful approach to life, through breathing, eating, movement, listening and speaking, even sleep patterns.
This process begins with meditative breathing, according to Wall.
"The breath is the one thing that we can influence and control," he said. "You can't influence your brain; it's always thinking. You can't influence your heart rate. ... But you can influence your lungs and control your breathing."
In the sessions, Wall and Crowley demonstrate breathing techniques which elicit a Relaxation Response, developed by Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard Medical School.
Attendees learn to take long, slow breaths and concentrate only on the air going in and out of their lungs. They are encouraged to be mindful of any chatter in their brains and set it aside, instead paying attention to the present moment without judgement, and with "loving kindness."
Employing the Relaxation Response, combined with mindfulness, can reduce stress all year, but especially during the holidays, which are laden with memory, loss and loved ones, according to Wall.
"There's a lot of layers to (the holidays)," Wall said. "That's what makes (them) so emotional."
"The core of it is very simple: being mindful and aware of what's happening in the moment and bringing it back ... with curiosity afterward," said Crowley.
Say Yes to reducing stress
Name your goal: Wherever you are going, ask yourself, "What is my goal today/tonight?" Be clear on what you want and how you will be regardless of others' disposition. In the absence of an intention, you are vulnerable to someone else's agenda, which may be full of drama and negativity.
Emotional hijacking: Know what your mood is and do repeat "check-ins" because if you walk into a party happy and relaxed and find yourself suddenly tense and agitated, you have just been hijacked.
Ultimately, choose to focus on the positive: Even difficult family members have fabulous characteristics. You don't get together that often, so enjoy it when you do.
Fill your well: People are a lot like wells: we can give and give, but only if there is something coming in to refill us. Take a break and do something for you — take a walk, close your eyes for a few minutes or have a cup of tea. Focus on what is right in your world.
- Carrie Stack, the Say Yes Institute
ÔŽLOCAL WORKSHOPS ON MANAGING HOLIDAY STRESS: Page 28
