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Lifestyle

February 14, 2014

Dear Abby: Wife’s devotion stops at the church door

Dear Abby: About a year ago, my husband, “Scott,” started attending church. He had never gone in the few years we dated.

We discussed our feelings about religion before we became engaged. He comes from a family that attended church every Sunday and believes in God. I was raised the exact opposite; I’m an atheist. I told Scott that if we had children, I would be OK with him taking them to church, but I would not join them. It bothered him a little, but we talked it over and moved on.

After a difficult year that led to some mild depression (for which Scott sought help), he started going to church. I was happy for him because it seemed to help him.

After a few weeks, he asked me to go with him. I went several times but felt uncomfortable. I feel like a fraud sitting in the pew. Scott says he “wants my support,” and that means attending with him. I suspect he’s embarrassed to be there without his wife.

I do not enjoy it. I have been offended by some of the messages that were imparted, and I would prefer having a couple of hours to myself on Sundays.

Abby, what should I do? Is there any middle ground here?

Feeling Coerced In San Diego

Dear Feeling Coerced: Tell Scott that you are happy he has found comfort in going to church, but that you are not comfortable with what is being preached and find some of it offensive. Remind him that church attendance was not part of your agreement when you married him and that you value your solitary time at home the same way he appreciates the service.

While you might relent and go with him on major holidays — some non-believing spouses do that — there really isn’t a middle ground, and because you feel so strongly about it, you should stand yours.

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