Dear Abby: My husband and I are a young couple, married almost two years. He recently told me he isn’t happy with me anymore and that he may want to leave. He won’t tell me why. He says he doesn’t know why.
It was a complete shock to me. He refuses to seek marriage counseling and has dealt with a lot of depression for which he won’t seek help, either. We have a child, and I am now pregnant again. It hasn’t changed his thoughts about leaving.
What should I do for myself and our children? What can I do to help my husband change his mind? I’m still deeply in love with him.
Confused In South Carolina
Dear Confused: I can only imagine how painful this must be for you. Because your husband won’t see a counselor about your marriage or do anything about his depression, then YOU should. And when you do, start figuring out a “plan B” for how you will support your children if it becomes necessary. You should also consult an attorney who can help you ensure that your husband lives up to his responsibilities if he does decide to leave.
The reason for your husband’s ambivalence will become apparent in time. You may love him deeply, but for your sake and that of your children, it’s important you stay calm and rational.
Dear Abby: I’m a 17-year-old girl, turning 18 soon. Ever since I started high school, my family has pressured me to do my best in everything I do. Some examples: my grades, having the perfect boyfriend and being first in sports.
I know they want the best for me. But I’m a human being. I sometimes make mistakes. At the same time, I don’t want to disappoint them. What should I do? Should I tell them to get off my back or continue to accept their pressure?
Teen In Turmoil, Tulsa, Okla.
Dear Teen: Your parents probably push you because they want you to get a college education. Good grades, various activities and a talent for sports can make you a more attractive candidate.
There are ways to tell your parents to ease up without saying, “Get off my back.” Your message might be better received if you said to them what you wrote to me: “I know you want what’s best for me. I don’t want to disappoint you. But I’m a human being and I sometimes make mistakes. I love you, but the pressure is getting to me.” It’s not hostile, and they may hear what you’re saying without becoming defensive.
Dear Abby: My brother-in-law is a registered sex offender. I am uncomfortable having him stay at our house with my husband and me and our children. My mother-in-law insists we need to forgive him and let him stay. I hate putting my husband in the middle (it is his sister’s husband), but I do not want him under our roof overnight.
Am I right to refuse, or do I let him stay and be on major guard?
Mommy In Memphis
Dear Mommy: As a mother, it is your job to protect your children. Because you feel your brother-in-law might be a danger to them, he should sleep elsewhere — and “forgiveness” has nothing to do with it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.