SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

March 27, 2014

Dear Abby: Friends urge grandma to let younger grandson be adopted

Dear Abby: I’m 62 and own my own home. I have legal guardianship of my eldest grandson, who is 5. Another grandchild is 21/2 and in foster care. I would like to keep both children together because I have been told that in the long run, it is better so they won’t lose contact with each other.

Some friends of mine have been telling me I should let the little one get adopted through the state in a closed adoption. This is really traumatic for me, and I’m not sure what to do.

Please give me some advice. I love both of my grandchildren and want the best for them, now and in the long term.

Quandrified In California

Dear Quandrified: Many grandparents raise their grandchildren successfully. If your health is good, and you have a high energy level and relatives who can provide respite when you need it, have both of your grandchildren live with you. If not, you must consider what could happen to them if something should happen to you.

AARP can be a helpful resource. It offers information on a wide variety of issues related to raising grandchildren, financial assistance and advocacy. To find out more, go to www.aarp.org/grandparents.

Dear Abby: I have been divorced for about 10 years and have dated far more since my divorce than I did before I married. The marriage ended because my wife was emotionally abusive.

What disturbs me is that somehow I either attract, or am attracted to, emotionally abusive women. They are usually successful, confident, good looking and controlling, and the results are always the same. The relationships don’t last long. How do I stop being attracted to the same type of partner?

Repeating Patterns

Dear Repeating: In order to break any cycle, a person needs to understand how the pattern became established in the first place. People are usually attracted to the familiar, and it may have something to do with the dynamics of the family in which you grew up. Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist who can help you to understand, so you won’t make the same mistake again. It’s the quickest fix for what ails you.

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