Q: I live in a town near the water (my house is walking distance to the beach). During a recent visit to my hometown for a family barbecue, one of my cousins and I were chatting. She asked me what I was up to this summer. Like a fool, I told her I was planning to travel for two weeks. She immediately asked if she could house-sit. I do not need a house sitter. This cousin is a bit of a user and would never think of coming for a visit to spend time with me. She clearly just wants to use my home as a "free" vacation. Now every time the phone rings I jump, worried that it is her. When she does call, what do I say?
A: You should not berate yourself for sharing your summer plans with your cousin when pointedly asked. There is a good chance she got the message when you changed the subject without answering her. But should she call, be ready with an invitation to visit when you are home. "Cousin! So glad you called. Listen, the house sitting is not going to work, but I would love to have you come visit when I am home. How is the weekend of the 8th for you?" The trick to this is to remember not to tell her why the house sitting will not work. The instant you give her a reason, she will try to work around it. The less said the better.
Q: Three months ago I was laid off. After the requisite mourning and moping around the house, I have been applying for jobs and sending out tons of résumés. Some companies reply with e-mails and others send a postcard. Both say a variation of "don't call us, we'll call you." Then there are other companies that don't bother replying at all. I do want to follow up on my applications, but most listings do not include a name. What do I do?
A: This is your chance to put your research skills to the test. The most basic method is to call into the company's main number, ask for human resources, and then reference the job posting reference number to ask for the contact. Your conversation should be brief. Confirm that your résumé has been received and ask what the time frame is for the opening. "Good morning, my name is Joe Best and I applied for the posting number: 123456. I wanted to make sure my résumé was received and to find out when interviewing will begin." If your attempts to contact the company are met with voice-mail mazes, you will need to step up your game. Using your networks, friends, family members, MySpace, Facebook, or LinkedIn contacts, attempt to find someone who works for the company or knows someone who works for the company.
Then very politely, ask if they would refer you to an appropriate person in human resources. Whether the connection results in employment, be sure to thank those who help you along the way.
Remember to be persistently polite.
Q: I was in a diner last week with friends. I ordered chowder and it arrived with packages of crackers. I crumbled them into my soup. One of my dining companions wrinkled her nose and mumbled something about being too proletarian. If I were at a fancy restaurant, I presume I would not have been served crackers. What is the proper way to add the crackers to soup?
A: As you have already surmised, crackers are crumbly and would only be served with soup in casual eating establishments.
When the crackers arrive in cellophane packets, you can crush them in their packet and then gently pour them into your soup.
Crackers served in a basket should be broken in one hand directly over the soup while the other hand shields the crackers to make sure the crumbs do not scatter everywhere. Oyster crackers need not be cracked at all.
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Jodi R.R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to e-mail her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.
