SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

October 6, 2012

Dear Abby: Man does the right things, but wife still feels wrong

:Dear Abby: I am a 42-year-old woman who has wanted to write to you for years. I’ll soon celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary. I am very unhappily married.

I married “Bill” for all the wrong reasons. I never truly loved him the way a woman should love a man. I have remained in the marriage because I am “supposed to.” I was brought up to obey the Commandments and do what is right.

Bill is a wonderful husband and father. He has a steady job that pays well; I work part-time. Bill and I get along just fine. He is easy to talk to, and we’re very good friends. I don’t want to lose that. But there is absolutely no passion in our relationship and never was.

I married Bill because it “was time.” He feels more like a brother than a husband. I don’t want to hurt my children, but I can’t pretend any longer. I am attracted to other men. I’m afraid I’m going to start hating him because I feel so trapped.

I don’t know what to do. I just want to stop pretending. We have both spoken to professionals and I have talked to my priest. I told Bill a little about how I feel — that I don’t love him the way a woman should love a man. He just keeps on trying — buying me flowers, doing all the right things. It doesn’t matter. It just makes me angry.

Could you please offer me some suggestions? I have read your column since I was a teen, and I value your opinion. Thanks.

Had It In Hartford, Conn.

Dear Had It: Let me get this straight — you married your husband under false pretenses and have lied to him for 20 years. Both of you have my sympathy.

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