Dear Abby: My husband, “Aaron,” had an affair with the woman next door. We were close friends. I found out three months ago, and needless to say I’m not happy about it. My husband and I spent a lot of time with her (he obviously more than I).
Aaron swears the affair is over, and he wants us to become a close threesome again. (She’s in the process of divorcing her husband, who knows nothing about the affair.)
The three of us have gone to the beach, to the lake, dancing — just like old times. My husband is thrilled; I am miserable.
I am not convinced the affair is over, so I feel compelled to keep my eye on them. Every time we go out together, I come home upset and frustrated. Aaron says I’m being unreasonable and keeping him on a “short leash.” He sees no reason why we can’t all be friends — but I have no desire to be friends with her.
Aaron and I have been together more than 20 years. I don’t want to divorce him. I need to know what to do without driving him back into her arms. I have suggested counseling. He says he doesn’t need it. What do you think I should do about this awkward situation?
Not Loving My Neighbor
Dear Not Loving: Three is a crowd, and your husband’s insistence that you continue this painful and degrading threesome is highly suspicious. Please waste no time in getting counseling. If your husband refuses, go without him. It will make you stronger and help you to feel better about yourself at a time when you need it most.
You may not “want” a divorce, but be smart and discuss your options and a fair division of property with a lawyer NOW, so should a divorce be thrust upon you, you will be prepared in advance. You should also talk to a CPA, who can help you locate all the assets in your marriage. This will also give you peace of mind when you tell your husband that the threesome is history. I wish you the best of luck.