SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

November 10, 2012

Dear Abby: Daughter and boyfriend are slow to embrace their future

:Dear Abby: My daughter, “Renee,” is 25 and is an intelligent and independent woman with a good job. She has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, “Bryan,” for 61/2 years. They have been living together for the past two years.

Bryan is nice and has a decent job, and I like him. However, there is virtually no conversation between them about what their future together holds. Renee would like to get engaged, but she refuses to bring anything up to Bryan for fear that he will feel “pushed.” She wants it to happen with no prodding. I maintain that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask where he sees their relationship going.

At this point, I’d like to take Bryan aside and say that I love my daughter and would like to know what his intentions are. Is that totally inappropriate in this day and age? I worry she may be throwing away her best years on a dead-end relationship.

I know Renee would not be happy if I approached Bryan with this. Should I just keep my mouth shut and let her handle it?

Mama on a Mission

Dear Mama: You are well-meaning, but this is one mission your daughter must complete for herself. Please tell her that after a relationship of six years and living together for two of them, having a rational discussion with Bryan would not be “pushy.” In fact, it’s the intelligent thing to do. He may have commitment issues. Or he may need the “nudge.” And frankly, if the romance is leading nowhere, Renee needs to know that an engagement to him is not in her future before she invests any more time.

Dear Abby: My niece is engaged to a really nice guy who is obviously gay and in denial because of his religion. My brother and his wife ignore it because, according to them, being gay is a “sin.” This couple have been out of high school for two years. They are also both virgins, which is unusual.

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