SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

December 29, 2012

Big thinker looks for big changes in slacker boyfriend

:Dear Abby: I have been dating “Lance” for about two years now. We communicate well, have great chemistry and are very affectionate with each other. Lance is kind, creative (he’s an artist) and considerate. However, he lacks ambition.

I’m a big thinker who wants big things in life. I have traveled extensively and am very involved in the world of academia. Lance works in a bar three nights a week and plays video games when I’m not around. I know from our conversations that he is intelligent and capable of doing so much more.

Is there any way to motivate him without nagging? I feel I may be selling myself short by being with someone who is content to sit on the couch. On the other hand, I have dated more ambitious men who turned out to be jerks. Must women have to choose between nice guys who finish last and dominating power mongers?

Asking Too Much?

In San Francisco

:Dear Asking Too Much?: The male sex is not divided into two categories — nice guys who finish last and power mongers. If you look around, you will see there are control freaks who finish last, and nice men who work hard at their jobs or professions and are successful.

If you feel you are selling yourself short by being with Lance, then you probably are. If you would like to motivate him, tell him you think you need to be with someone who has more direction in life. If that doesn’t galvanize him to action, nothing will.

Dear Abby: After being in a four-year relationship with an alcoholic who was emotionally, verbally and at times physically abusive, I got out. I have moved back with my parents to save money so I can get my own place. When I told my mother about some of the incidents that happened, she said, “I know how you can be.” My father seemed more supportive — until recently.

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