SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

January 10, 2013

Dear Abby: Readers to wife: Work through problems

:Dear Abby: This is in response to “Had it in Hartford” (Oct. 6), who has been unhappily married to her husband for 20 years. She said she married him for all the wrong reasons and “has never loved him the way a woman should love a man.”

After I had been married for seven years, I went to my pastor concerned that the grass on the other side was looking greener than mine. As we spoke, I began to realize the extent of the investment I had put into my marriage and that I didn’t want to start over again on a new one.

My mom always told me, “Marriage is not easy. You will always have to work on it. There will be times when you won’t feel that you like him or love him.” I have been married for 36 years now. Do I notice handsome men, or appreciate a man who treats me kindly? Of course. I’m not blind or dead.

Love isn’t just a feeling, but a choice and a commitment. I’m committed to my husband not because I’m “supposed” to be, but because I CHOOSE to be. It seems to me that “Had It” never made that choice or worked toward it, but expected it to just happen eventually.

She has a foundation of trust and friendship that helps a marriage through the rough times. Many marriages that end in divorce rely on sexual attraction and passion to carry them instead of friendship.

We’re told that marriage is 50-50. That’s not true. It’s 100-100. I’m responsible for my 100 percent, and my spouse is responsible for his.

“Had It” should take another look at what she’s about to lose and tally up the costs to her family. Is she really trapped? Or has she just been unwilling to choose to love?

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Lifestyle
  • Dear Abby: Don't meddle in office affair unless it interferes with work

    Dear Abby: I manage a group of 15 employees. A few months ago, I hired the wife of an old friend. Until now she has been a great employee, but recently, she and a male co-worker have been taking lunches and breaks together in a way that leads me to b

    April 22, 2014

  • Dick and Jane Auction [Duplicate] 'Dick and Jane' artworks for sale BROOKLINE, N.H. (AP) -- In the portrait, the little boy's blue eyes twinkle as he looks straight ahead. His apple cheeks shine. There's a gap in his teeth, and his reddish-brown hair is just slightly tousled. He's an All-American boy. He's Dick, of t

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Tuesday's Best Bets Best Bets for Tuesday, April 22

    Looking for something to do today? Here are The Salem News' Best Bets:

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • 'Captain America' tops box office for third week LOS ANGELES -- Captain America continues to vanquish box office foes, triumphing in ticket sales for the third consecutive week and dominating over megastar Johnny Depp's new movie. "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" added another $26 million to i

    April 21, 2014

  • Monday's Best Bets Best Bets for Monday, April 21

    Looking for something to do today? Here are The Salem News' Best Bets:

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • North Shore religion calendar Saturday, April 19 Easter Bunny Breakfast & Egg Hunt, 10 a.m. to noon, Northshore Unitarian Universalist Church, 323 Locust St., Danvers. The youth groups of Northshore and Beverly Unitarian Universalist churches will hold an Easter breakfast and egg

    April 19, 2014

  • North Shore religion news in brief The Rev. Marya DeCarlen has been named the new, full-time priest in charge at All Saints Episcopal Church of the North Shore in Danvers. DeCarlen's ministry with the parish begins Sunday, April 27. Her appointment comes after the church's yearlong in

    April 19, 2014

  • Dear Abby: Teenage girl’s boyish figure is often deceiving to others Dear Abby: I'm a 14-year-old girl with a problem. Because of my buzzed short hair, slim hips and flat chest, I frequently get mistaken for a boy. It really bothers me because, despite my haircut and body shape, I have a feminine face and I wear women

    April 19, 2014

  • This weekend's Best Bets Best Bets for Saturday and Sunday, April 19 and 20

    Looking for something to do this weekend? Here are The Salem News' Best Bets:

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • Vet Connection: Is it OK to give a dog a bone? We have all seen the cartoons and commercials depicting dogs burying bones and stashing them away for later. Unfortunately, most pet owners are completely unaware of the significant risks and problems that are associated with feeding dogs these treat

    April 18, 2014

NDN Video
Comments Tracker