:Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Doug” (24), and I (22) have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, but we were friends for a couple of years before that. I had never had a serious relationship before and lacked experience. Doug has not only been in two other long-term relationships, but has had sex with more than 15 women. One of them is an amateur porn actress.
I knew about this, but it didn’t bother me until recently. Doug had a party, and while he was drunk, he told one of his buddies — in front of me — that he should watch a certain porn film starring his ex-girlfriend. It made me feel awkward. The next day, he apologized.
Of course, having learned her name, I couldn’t help myself from searching for her on the Internet. Now I can’t stop comparing myself to her, and I feel intimidated and frustrated.
I have been struggling with how to get over it. Doug has told me many times that he loves me and I believe him. But those stupid, drunken comments really knocked me down. How do I get over my boyfriend’s past?
Eclipsed by a “Star”
in New York
:Dear Eclipsed: A giant step in the right direction would be to quit comparing yourself to a porn actress. In his addled condition, your immature boyfriend couldn’t resist bragging to his buddies because he thought it would impress them with his prowess. If he had serious feelings about her, he would still be with her, not in a relationship with you.
That said, it would be in your best interest to find out if this woman really was a “girlfriend” or one of his one-night stands. If he is in a long-distance relationship with you and tends to be promiscuous, you should be more concerned about his judgment than how to get over his past.