SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

October 1, 2013

Dear Abby: Mastectomy fails to chase man from new wife’s side

Dear Abby: I am writing in response to “Anonymous in Wisconsin” (Aug. 11), the cancer survivor whose husband has lost interest in her after her double mastectomy. I am OUTRAGED by his insensitivity and lack of love. She says she doesn’t want to leave him. My question to her is, why not? She deserves better.

I am a cancer survivor who was diagnosed with breast cancer seven months after I was married. Prior to my decision to have a radical mastectomy, I offered my husband the chance to leave. (After all, one doesn’t expect “worse” to come so soon after the wedding.) The prospect of children, which we had discussed and was important to us, was uncertain because of my subsequent chemotherapy. My husband didn’t hesitate. He said, “You would not leave me. We will adopt.”

On our first wedding anniversary, I was bald, and he treated me to a beautiful, romantic getaway. Although I did have reconstruction, it was a long process. He was supportive from day one.

Fifteen years later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer again. I had another radical mastectomy followed by chemo and reconstruction. Abby, my husband again made me feel beautiful even when I didn’t. There are men out there who define a woman not by the size of her breasts, but by the beauty of her heart.

Survivor In Natick, Mass.

Dear Survivor: I want to thank you and the many breast cancer survivors who wrote me — and their supportive spouses — for telling me your personal stories. Readers, I am printing this to remind you that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Read on:

Dear Abby: I had to write to “Anonymous.” I kept hoping my husband of 20 years would change his mind and accept my new body. However, because he could not, I chose to divorce him, and it liberated me.

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