Dear Abby: I have reached a crossroad in my life. Just when I thought I had everything, from the house with the white picket fence to the family dog and children, I have learned something about my husband. He had never opened up about himself other than to say he was raised by his father and stepmom who abused him as a child.
As I was cleaning out a closet and getting rid of some things, I came across his old briefcase, which I opened to see if anything of importance was inside before tossing it. To my shock, there were photos and a DVD of what seemed like pornography of himself and other women.
I can respect past relationships, but having done something like this and kept the evidence is very troubling to me. I find myself needing closure, but when I try to talk to him, he brushes me off. I feel betrayed, unsure who I married and lost about what else to do. What do you advise?
Confused in California
Dear Confused: How old does your husband appear to be in those photos? If they are recent, then it is important that you get to the bottom of this — and counseling may help you find the answers you’re looking for.
However, if they are NOT recent, let the past stay buried. Some women keep old love letters long after the romance is over. And some men keep old pictures like the ones you found.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.