Q: A neighbor of mine whom I consider a friend has said that we have an "open invitation" to use her pool this summer. What does that really mean? Can we really stop in whenever we want to, or should we always call before stopping by?
A: I agree, an invitation like this is too good to ignore! Invite your neighbor over for a cup of coffee or a glass of iced tea to specifically ask about the open pool invitation. Topics to cover should include: if you need to call first, if you can use the pool when they are not home, what you should be bringing with you and a signal for when it is time for you to leave. Across the board, guests at a private pool should bring their own towels, sunscreen and pool toys. Pool guests should also arrive with snacks and food to share. Pool guests must presume they are at all times responsible for their own children. Pool guests with children should take extra care to make sure the children have frequent and mandatory bathroom breaks. During the course of the year, guests should be sure to reciprocate the hospitality by inviting the pool owners over for a barbecue, game night or a casual cocktail party as a way of expressing your appreciation.
Q: I just returned to work after being out for a week on vacation. Not two minutes after arriving at my desk, I had a bevy of co-workers coming by to ask me questions about an e-mail I had sent out. I did not send any e-mails while I was on vacation. After booting up my computer and looking through my sent mail files, it turned out that my manager had been logging into my computer using my passwords and sending out e-mails from my account. I know this is a work computer and I don't have any secrets on it, but people thought the e-mails came from me. Once I calmed down, I spoke with my manager and she thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. What do you think?
A: You are far from wrong. To use someone else's computer to send messages without identifying oneself as a different sender is a breach of both etiquette and ethics. And you were smart to speak with your supervisor directly about the issue. Going forward, before you take a vacation or even a vacation day, you will need to prepare. First, send out an e-mail to those co-workers and clients you typically interact with to say you will be out of the office and indicate who your backup person is, including his/her contact information.
Be sure to change your e-mail to send an "out of office" response with the same information.
Then, pop into your manager's office to remind her that you are going to be away, she is welcome to use your computer and when she does, to make sure to sign her own name. Lastly, do send your manager a quick e-mail restating that she is welcome to use your computer while you are away and if she sends any messages from your e-mail account to sign her own name so there is no confusion once you are back at your desk.
Q: Recently, I called one of our vendors to ask for a quote on some new materials. It has been about a year since I have placed any orders. When I dialed the number, a different person answered. I asked for my contact by name only to be briskly told he was no longer there. Before I could ask who the replacement was, the person hung up on me! After I recovered from my shock, I found a competitor who was only too happy to help me fill my order. Should I call the owner of the company to "tattle?"
A: As justified as you would be to write a letter to the management, not all managers are welcoming of negative feedback and your time may be for naught. If you know someone in management or if you are friendly with the company owner, then you should let them know that you tried to patronize the company and were rebuffed. This would afford them the opportunity to correct the issue and, hopefully, prevent them from losing any more customers. If you do not have an existing relationship with anyone in management, then you should do what you have already done by voting with your feet (and your dollars). Businesses beware, especially in this down economy, manners do matter!
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Jodi R.R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to e-mail her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.
