Q: I am a woman who just started going out with a mature man. While we were having dinner together at a restaurant, he said, "Excuse me," whipped out his hankie and blew his nose at the table just as I was beginning to eat my food. I did not say anything, but it really turned my stomach. How, when and where can I say something in an appropriate manner that will not be mean or offend his manhood? He also has a bad breath problem. I really like him but am not sure if I should say anything. What do you suggest?
A: As you know, kind men with good moral characters are hard to find. The question is whether this mature man is open to a bit of subtle coaching. Since the relationship is new, be gentle. For the bad breath, have a supply of mints on hand and when you pop one in your mouth, offer him one. "Here, Sweetie, a mint for you." If you start to see each other frequently, you should have him visit both the dentist and a doctor, as bad breath can be a signal for other medical issues. As for the tissues at the table, keep a keen eye out for when you are out and about. Any time you see someone blow his nose in public, whisper, "I read that a true gentleman would never blow his nose in public." If you are consistent, he will get the message.
Q: As part of my New Year's resolutions, I have been really looking at all aspects of my life. During my self-assessment, it dawned on me that while I care for the woman I am dating, I do not love her enough to marry her. It is so close to Valentine's Day, so is it better for me to put on a brave face and break up with her later this month or just get it over with now?
A: If you don't already have plans for the holiday, I believe it is best to let her go sooner rather than later. Better for her to be able to spend Valentine's Day with her friends than with someone pretending to love her. Either way, be kind. You have been considering how you feel and have adjusted to the idea of being single; she is under the impression that everything is fine. For her, this will be a surprise.
Q: My fiancé and I are building our own wedding Web page and will note on the invitations to go to our Web page to RSVP. I read that people do not RSVP with response cards and are even worse about responding online. We are trying to keep our costs down and only wanted to send out invitations without having to supply the response reply card inside. Most all of my friends are very tech-savvy. It is the older adults who may not be as comfortable with the Internet. Should I even be worrying about this?
A: Yes, you should be worrying about this, as you will need numbers to plan your wedding and reception. Ideally, RSVP cards should be included, but to keep down costs, you may include the Web site information. Then, a few days after the guests have started to receive the invitation in the mail, send out an e-mail to everyone with the hyperlink to your Web site (yes, you will need to call and track down everyone's e-mails), but this should help to make sure that everyone is able to RSVP easily.
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Jodi R.R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to e-mail her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.
