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March 5, 2010

Reader suspects cousin cheating in online Scrabble game

The Mannersmith

Q: I have been playing Scrabble online with my cousin. I don't get to see her often, so this has been a great way for us to keep in touch. Lately, though, her word choices have been unusual. Very odd words and often all seven letters. I suspect she's using a word generator program to help boost her score. We never talked about using a program like that, but I think it's bad form to use that kind of electronic help. What do you think?

A: A direct but not confrontational conversation is necessary. Before hopping online for your next tournament, you should pick up the phone and call your dear cousin. Mention how much you enjoy playing Scrabble with her and how much fun it is for the two of you to connect. Then, using specific examples, say "Cousin, when you came up with 'kefir' last time we played, I was impressed with your knowledge of unusual words. But when you also used 'potsy,' it made me wonder if you were using a Scrabble dictionary or one of those online word generators." Then be quiet and see what your cousin has to say for herself. The two of you will need to decide what, if any, outside aid will be allowed for your family games.

Q: My husband and I often host people for dinner. Recently, we have had two instances where our guests were more than an hour late. In both cases, we were hosting just one couple, so this did not conflict with other guests. However, in one case the food burned, and in other case we served room-temperature food. Also, when one couple arrived, the woman informed us that she "does not eat" what we were serving. It was because she had "maxed out" on her "carb allotment" for the day. Could you please advise me on what we should do when this happens?

A: I am not even sure where to begin. For dinner guests to arrive an hour late, without so much as a phone call, is incredibly rude. (Of course, presuming there is no emergency!) It would be a long time before I issued another invitation. To protect against future situations, request a day-of mobile phone number so after 20 minutes you can call to inquire about the delay.

In addition, I do recommend you plan on dinner to be served 45 minutes to an hour after the arrival time. Have light appetizers for guests who do arrive on time; as the host, this will give you a little wiggle room. As for the sudden dietary restriction, there is simply no excuse. She should have been more disciplined during the day or thrown caution to the wind for dinner, too. Unfortunately, there was nothing you could have said to fix the situation. Well, there are plenty of things to think — just nothing to say! If these couples are part of your social circle, I would only include them again for flexible social situations where others are involved, such as cocktail parties.

Q: My husband and I just ran across an offer of $25 per person for a dinner and a play. To see if another couple would like to join us, what is the best way to inquire without us paying for their tickets? We are on a fixed income and cannot pay their way.

A: This is best handled either in person or over the phone. During a conversation, you would mention the event, as well as the price, so that it was clear you were not inviting them to be your guests. "Next Saturday, the Orpheum is having a dinner and show night. At $25 per person, we were thinking about going. Are you interested in a double date?"

¢¢¢

Jodi R.R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to e-mail her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.

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