SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

December 27, 2012

Dear Abby: Sympathy wearing thin for needy friend

(Continued)

The women she was talking about are baby boomers and older. After thinking about it, I remember my mother and mother-in-law saying that money was why they remained in their marriages. Is this as prevalent as my friend stated? I find it sad that this could be true. It reminds me of the Tina Turner song — what’s love got to do with it? Could you comment, please?

In it for Love

Dear In It: If you’re asking if I have statistics on the number of women who stay married only for economic reasons, the answer is no. Most of the people who write to me are unhappy, which would skew the numbers in a negative direction.

I hope you realize that the women you have described — an older demographic — were probably not economically independent when they married. It was common in their generation to go straight from their parents’ houses to their husbands’. For many years, I — and my mother before me — have urged women to make sure they are self-supporting before they marry, “just in case” they may have to be afterward.

Staying in a marriage without love is like serving a life sentence with an incompatible cellmate. Your mother and mother-in-law have my sympathy, and so do their husbands.

Dear Abby: Do you ever get tired of giving advice to people who ask commonsense questions, or those who probably know the answer to their problems if they just thought it out?

Jim in West Virginia

Dear Jim: The answer to your question is no. I love what I do and consider it an honor to be trusted. While the reply to a question may be obvious to you, it isn’t to the person who asks me. Common sense tends to go out the window when there are strong emotions involved.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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