, Salem, MA


April 1, 2013

Dear Abby: What fools we mortals be, trying to pull off a joke!


Dear Abby: My wife and I and our teenage son came home from a family get-together, and after he went to bed, my wife told me she wants to get a new, “bouncier” bed. We don’t want to wake up our son with the noise of our enjoying it. What kind of bed do you recommend?

:Mr. Romance in Oregon

:Dear Mr. Romance: Forget the bed and buy a trampoline. And if your son asks why, tell him you’re training to join the circus.

Dear Abby: How can I give my boyfriend makeup sex if we never have an argument?

:Miss Bliss in Indiana

:Dear Miss Bliss: That’s a good question. If you figure out the answer, let me know.

Dear Abby: I am a married man dating a married woman. She’s the love of my life. My girlfriend is sweet, kind, has a caring heart and is very much a lady.

We often sneak away for romantic weekends, where we laugh and enjoy being together and forget our daily routines. Sometimes I’ll stop and watch her while she shops or talks to people and admire how beautiful she is. The twinkle in her eyes is as close as I can get to the stars in the sky. I adore her and plan to be with her for the rest of my life.

And one more thing: My girlfriend is also my bride of 40 years!

:One Lucky Guy in Tennessee

:Dear Lucky Guy: Normally, I’d advise you to try to turn your wife into the love of your life, but you’re ahead of me!


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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