My problem is that my husband’s family comes to visit each year for anywhere from four to eight days, and when they’re here, my stress level is very high. Their last three visits resulted in my getting migraine headaches, which I had never experienced before, as well as TMJ (pain in my jaw) and painful neuropathy, which the doctor explained was brought on by stress. It has lasted two months.
I like my in-laws, but I am unwilling to deal with more pain as a result of their visits. My husband doesn’t want to send them to a hotel, which I understand. Therefore, I feel that since this is MY problem, I should move to a hotel during their visits. What do you think, Abby?
Pushed To The Limit
Dear Pushed: Unless this is handled delicately — and by that I mean carefully explained to your husband’s family — it could cause hurt feelings. Surely, your in-laws are aware of your car accident. What they may not be aware of is the lingering damage it has caused. Your husband should explain this to his relatives and ask if they would mind staying elsewhere BECAUSE OF YOUR MEDICAL CONDITION.
If you can tolerate their “tumult” on a limited basis, this might solve the problem. If not, then I agree you should stay elsewhere so they can have a good time together. However, this should happen with full disclosure and preferably no hard feelings. If you can see any of them individually for a short time, you should make every effort so they won’t feel you are avoiding them for any other reason.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.