SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

April 9, 2013

Dear Abby: Bisexual woman should show her rainbow colors

:Dear Abby: I am writing in response to your answer to “Bi in the Deep South” (Jan. 2), the woman who is happily married to a man, but who now realizes she is bisexual and wants to come out.

My wife is an out bisexual woman. You were correct that it is possible to be bisexual without having acted on it, as people are not defined solely by the partner they have. Precisely for that reason, some individuals feel that “bisexual” is who they are, and to omit it feels like living a lie.

The notion that stating one’s bisexuality is “advertising that one is available” is why my wife chose to come out — to combat this misconception. Just as straights can be attracted to people of the opposite sex besides their spouse, so might a coupled bisexual person be attracted to other individuals of both genders. Bisexuals, however, are no more likely to ACT on this attraction than anyone else.

“Bi” should just be herself and tell anyone who needs to know when she feels comfortable telling them. And you’re right, Abby — she should tell her husband first. But if her marriage is as strong and happy as she indicated, I’m pretty sure he already knows. I know I did.

:Jon in North Carolina

:Dear Jon: Thank you for writing. The comments I received about that letter were passionate and informed:

Dear Abby: Bisexual women and men who begin identifying and clarifying their sexual identities in the context of committed relationships need spaces where they can sort through their understandings of themselves.

A support group that is either counselor- or peer-led, in-person or online, can be an important resource to help “Bi in the Deep South” recognize that others have also experienced what she is going through and she can learn from them. She will see there is a place of support and encouragement where it’s OK to talk about what bisexuality means for her. Being part of such a group can be particularly liberating.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Lifestyle
  • North Shore religion calendar Saturday, April 19 Easter Bunny Breakfast & Egg Hunt, 10 a.m. to noon, Northshore Unitarian Universalist Church, 323 Locust St., Danvers. The youth groups of Northshore and Beverly Unitarian Universalist churches will hold an Easter breakfast and egg

    April 19, 2014

  • North Shore religion news in brief The Rev. Marya DeCarlen has been named the new, full-time priest in charge at All Saints Episcopal Church of the North Shore in Danvers. DeCarlen's ministry with the parish begins Sunday, April 27. Her appointment comes after the church's yearlong in

    April 19, 2014

  • Dear Abby: Teenage girl’s boyish figure is often deceiving to others Dear Abby: I'm a 14-year-old girl with a problem. Because of my buzzed short hair, slim hips and flat chest, I frequently get mistaken for a boy. It really bothers me because, despite my haircut and body shape, I have a feminine face and I wear women

    April 19, 2014

  • This weekend's Best Bets Best Bets for Saturday and Sunday, April 19 and 20

    Looking for something to do this weekend? Here are The Salem News' Best Bets:

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • Vet Connection: Is it OK to give a dog a bone? We have all seen the cartoons and commercials depicting dogs burying bones and stashing them away for later. Unfortunately, most pet owners are completely unaware of the significant risks and problems that are associated with feeding dogs these treat

    April 18, 2014

  • Ask Dog Lady: Why is my dog fascinated with burying things? Dear Dog Lady, My dog came across a dead cat at the park and proceeded to bury the cat with surrounding leaves by using her nose and pushing the leaves over the dead cat. Two days later, we went back to the park, and she found the dead cat again and

    April 18, 2014

  • ed Ipswich author to share drawing techniques Most of Ed Emberley's 80 children's books, 20 of which are still in print, have one goal in mind. "Showing the kids you can draw; everybody can draw something," he said. "They get encouragement from working with the simplest thing." Emberley will giv

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • holtenhouse Quick pick 'Voices From the Back Stairs' Jennifer Pustz of Historic New England presents "Voices From the Back Stairs" tomorrow at 2, at the Judge Samuel Holten House, 171 Holten St., Danvers. In her presentation, Pustz explores domestic service in 19th- and 20

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dear Abby: Assistant’s gruff attitude needs to be smoothed out Dear Abby: How do I deal with an assistant who keeps calling me a "brown-noser"? She did it again yesterday at a staff meeting in front of my boss and another assistant. It was the third time she has said it. She is gruff and rude, and several people

    April 18, 2014

  • Friday's Best Bets Best Bets for Friday, April 18

    Looking for something to do today? Here are The Salem News' Best Bets:

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

NDN Video
Comments Tracker