SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

May 26, 2014

Dear Abby: Nosy new husband claims he has the right to snoop

Dear Abby: I married a great guy a short while ago. It’s the second marriage for both of us. He’s good to my kids, my parents, and even gets along with my ex-husband.

“Stan” moved into my home after we married. There’s only one major problem I’m having trouble dealing with: He goes through all my things, from my mail to my closet. I have caught him going through my glove compartment, the trunk of my car and anything else he can get his hands on.

He says he has a “right” to do it “because we are married,” but I don’t look at it that way. His first marriage did not go well. His ex didn’t cheat on him, so I don’t know where this is coming from.

Abby, I am squeaky clean. I have never given him any reason not to trust me. I believe he’s just nosy. Meanwhile, I feel violated.

I have tried talking to him about it, but he just doesn’t get it. Please help before I end my new marriage.

The New Mrs. In Delaware

Dear New Mrs.: “Great guys” do not rifle through their wives’ mail and personal belongings after having been asked not to. You say your husband’s first marriage didn’t go well, and she didn’t cheat on him. Do you know what did cause their divorce?

Your husband’s obsession with searching through your belongings is not normal behavior. There may be a chapter in his life you know nothing about.

Because you have asked him to stop, and he is either unwilling or unable to, it may take help from a licensed psychotherapist to get to the bottom of it. Of course, in order for that to happen, your husband would have to be willing. If he isn’t, you may indeed have to decide whether you can live with this “quirk” of his or would be better off without him.

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