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Dear Abby: Twenty years ago, my brother told me his wife had been having an affair. Needless to say, they divorced and I sided with my brother.
A few days ago, I learned that my brother was actually the one who had been having the affair, not my sister-in-law. He and his current wife had a child they claimed was her first husband’s, and when they married, he “adopted” all of her children from her first marriage.
Because we lived in different states at the time, it was easy to believe what I was told. I think that my ex-sister-in-law deserves an apology from us all. At the same time, I want to confront my brother about the lie. We are still not sure if the child, who is now an adult, knows my brother is really her biological father.
Lied to in California
Dear Lied To: I don’t think it is ever too late to offer an apology where one is needed, so contact your former sister-in-law and tell her that you now know the truth and you are sorry. Because you feel the need to speak your mind to your brother, do so.
HOWEVER, whether your niece knows that your brother is her biological father is not your business, and you certainly should not be the person to enlighten her if she doesn’t know. That news should come from her parents.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.