SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

December 12, 2012

Dear Abby: Wife of 14 years learns man still carries torch for another

:Dear Abby: I have been married for 14 years to a man who had two failed marriages. I never felt insecure in my married life until I read his answers to a Yahoo! Answers poll that asked, “Do you dream about the one that got away?” and “Have you found the love of your life?”

My husband responded that he thinks about her very often, especially on her birthday and Valentine’s Day. To the other question, he replied that he had found the love of his life, but the relationship had ended in divorce, which he admitted was his fault.

I know he was talking about his first wife. I feel so sad and insecure. Now I must deal with the fact that on Valentine’s Day, his thoughts are with someone else. How can I get over this? I no longer believe him when he says he loves me because I have proof that he hasn’t moved on yet. I can’t believe he said that even now he still thinks about her. Please help.

Sad Heart in San Jose

Dear Sad Heart: Your husband posted those thoughts on a public forum? Rather than feel hurt and insecure, you should be furious. How would he feel if the person answering that poll had been you? (Of course, you would have had better judgment.)

By now, it should be clear to you that you did not marry a rocket scientist. You have my sympathy because his first marriage has been over for nearly two decades, and he — along with his obvious shortcomings — is no longer her problem, but yours. However, your pain may lessen if you look at the bright side: He treats you well 363 days a year, and many of the women who write to me are not so lucky.

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