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Lifestyle

December 12, 2012

Dear Abby: Wife of 14 years learns man still carries torch for another

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Dear Abby: I have been involved with a man in a long-distance relationship for two years. I care about him very much, and I believe he cares for me.

Things were going great until he was devastated by a downturn in his business. He had planned to move here, but was unable to sell his home. We used to see each other every two weeks, but no longer. It has been almost two months. He calls once a week, but nothing else.

We have been close, and he has shared his life, his worries and personal information with me. I haven’t pressured him, and I don’t need a commitment now, although I would like one someday.

Abby, he seems to be drifting away. Is it OK to write to him, email him, send encouraging notes once a week and continue to support him? Is it too much to ask for more frequent communication from him? I have offered to travel the 1,000 miles, but he has evaded my offer. I’m not ready to walk away. We have been great together, and this is difficult for me. Advice?

Holding on in Coastal California

Dear Holding On: It’s fine to be supportive, but don’t overwhelm him right now. You may have to let this play out in its own time. Your friend may have retreated because he’s concentrating his energy on reviving his business. He may be licking his wounds or he may have met someone, which is why he discouraged your visit. That he still calls you is encouraging.

Because you have known him for two years, I recommend you simply ASK him if he’s met someone else. If the answer is no, it will put your mind at ease. But if the answer is yes, at least you’ll be clear about what happened.

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Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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