SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

October 9, 2012

Dear Abby: Wife’s surprise travel plans throw husband for a loop

(Continued)

I love both of her kids and treat them like my own. I know it’s a delicate situation, and I want to do the right thing. The disrespect he shows me is becoming an issue, and I know his mother won’t do anything about it. I have mentioned it a few times, and nothing has changed.

I know she would be crushed if I ended this relationship, because recently she asked me to move in by Christmas. Marriage has been discussed prior to or shortly thereafter. Please help.

Disrespected in Ohio

Dear Disrespected: Do not move in with this woman unless she first agrees to premarital counseling with you to ensure that you’re both on the same page regarding parenting, and then family counseling with her children. As much as you care about them, you are not their parent. Because your lady friend appears to ignore problems when they arise, without counseling, nothing will change. Be warned.

Dear Abby: Our son and daughter-in-law have invited us for Thanksgiving in another state. We’ll fly there with my husband’s mother.

Recently, my daughter-in-law mentioned that we may all (11 of us) be going to some sort of buffet instead of making the dinner at their home. We would also end up paying for the meal.

I would much rather cook for them than eat and pay for a Thanksgiving meal at a buffet or restaurant. How can we get this across to our son and daughter-in-law without hurting their feelings?

No Buffet for Us

in Leavenworth, Kan.

@text1_boldintro\::Dear No Buffet: How about saying it in plain English? Tell them you would be glad to prepare the dinner, and if your daughter-in-law would help you, the task wouldn’t be onerous for either of you.

P.S. Unless the men are “all thumbs” in the kitchen, they could pitch in, too. Multigenerational rituals are the glue that keeps a family together.

---

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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