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Lifestyle

April 13, 2013

Dear Abby: Teen resists conforming to adults’ expectations

:Dear Abby: I’m a 14-year-old girl. I don’t understand why adults tell me to be an independent thinker, to embrace myself, and then put me down for not conforming. Why is it outrageous to come to your own conclusions, speculate, challenge accepted ideas or find your own faith? It would be easier to quietly nod an empty head and smile to please our parents and the adults who influence kids, so they can enjoy superficial satisfaction for how “well” they have raised us.

Should I deny myself as an individual and be pulled along, or is it better to stay quiet and just be who everyone expects you to be?

:Independent Thinker In Florida

:Dear Independent Thinker: Independent thinkers are the people who have contributed the most to society. Our most important scientific discoveries were conceived by individuals who chose not to accept conventional thinking. The same is true for religion — Jesus was an independent thinker.

I’m not sure what kind of conversation you feel the adults in your life are trying to discourage. But people who are deeply committed to their religious faith can feel offended or threatened if their beliefs are challenged. Even though you are an independent thinker, you should be respectful of the beliefs of others.

:Dear Abby: Around the time of my sister’s wedding, she and her fiance, “Greg,” tried to get me and their best man, “Bruce,” together. They brought him along when they would visit and encouraged us to date. Not long after the wedding we did start dating.

Bruce is a great guy and I enjoy being with him. My problem is, he’s my brother-in-law’s nephew even though they are close in age. (Bruce’s mom is Greg’s half sister.)

Am I dating a family member? Are we committing incest? Should we end this relationship? I don’t know what is “right.”

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