Q: I was speaking with a woman at a party and complimenting her on the necklace she was wearing. She mentioned it was new. As she turned to go, I noticed the necklace still had the tag on the back. I said, "Oops, it looks like the tag is still on. Do you want me to help remove it?" She quickly turned around and said she had not decided if she was going to keep the necklace and wanted the tag left on it. I was horribly embarrassed and was not sure what to do. In my mind, once you wear something out and about, it should not be returned. Has this changed?
A: No need for you to be embarrassed at all. The polite response — after being told it was a new necklace, and then spotting the tag — is to prevent the wearer from potential embarrassment, i.e. having forgotten to remove a price tag from an item being worn. It is one thing to try on attire and accessories at home to check for fit and match. It is a whole other thing to test-wear these items and then return them. This is both an etiquette and an ethical no-no. This is different from wearing a new item and having it split or break during the first wearing and then returning the item due to poor workmanship.
Q: I am wondering if you can help me with some invitation wording. My client is deciding on invitations for an upcoming event and the appropriate attire is denim, but she doesn't want people showing up in T-shirts. Here are the attire line options I am considering: Jeans and Jewels, Dressy Denim, Dancing in Denim, or Denim and Diamonds. What is appropriate?
A: Great question. As you know, since denim is traditionally a casual fabric, it would make sense for denim to be paired with a casual top such as a T-shirt. While there is no perfect line, I am fondest of "Dressy Denim." I think that, printed on a fancy invitation, will get the point across. (There will always be guests, either through willfulness or cluelessness, who are inappropriately attired. But that cannot be helped.) The references to jewels and diamonds make the invitation too feminine and may scare off guests who fear their bling is lacking. Of course, the client should chat up as many of her guests as possible in advance so they know what she is planning to wear and can follow in suit.
Q: A colleague is getting married in September. It will be a small family wedding. I asked if anyone was going to have a shower, and she doesn't think it's proper, as only family is going to the wedding. They will be having a party later in the year. Is it OK to have a shower?
A: The bride is correct in that only those guests invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. However, as a work colleague, it would be a lovely gesture for you and other staff members to help the bride celebrate her big day. Whether it is cake in the conference room, a lovely lunch in her honor, or pooled funds for an office gift, I am sure she would be thrilled to know you care. If you are the only co-worker interested in feting the bride, then a small gift just from you, given outside the walls of work, is the way to go. Just be sure your generosity is not seen as a ploy for an invitation. Either way, hopefully she will bring in pictures to share after the big day.
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Jodi R.R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to e-mail her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.
