Q: I'm trying not to take it personally, but my feelings are hurt. This morning when I showed up at the park where neighborhood dogs and their owners gather every day, there was one woman standing there with her dog, Daisy, a West Highland terrier. Her dog ran over to my dog, greeting us warmly. Daisy's owner was not so sunny. She responded to my bright "good morning" with a question: "Where is everybody?" She made me feel invisible. I felt like saying something nasty to her. Suddenly, my dog group feels like high school. Am I not in the popular crowd?
A: You're not a pariah just because somebody asked you, "Where is everybody?" An innocent question, really. In the mornings, out on the dog field, people wander in with sleep in their eyes. They shouldn't be expected to shine with good etiquette as long as their dogs behave.
Dog groups revolve around the dogs, and, often, the human relations are dictated by the canine social patterns. For example, if two dogs enjoy playing and chasing each other, their humans will often gravitate to one another. That woman probably wondered where "everybody" was because the dogs her dog likes to play with weren't in attendance.
In the dog park, the dogs form their own high school, and humans are the supervising homeroom teachers. And you won't find a popular vs. unpopular canine dynamic. Oh, there are the rompers, the sniffers, the sitters, the treat beggars, the loners, the jump-uppers, the dirt diggers and the ball chasers. You could loosely translate these into high school terms — such as jocks, brains, nerds, Goths, freaks, etc. For dogs, there's no social stigma attached to being "in" or "out" of any of these groups. The dogs are what they are. You should follow their carefree example.
Q: I've recently separated from my husband of 23 years. My choice, not his. Let's just say it was a long time coming. The younger children live with me. So does the dog.
When my ex-husband comes over to pick up the kids for visits, the dog goes wild with joy to see him. This makes me so indescribably happy. I'm glad the dog still loves him, even if I can't. Do you think I should suggest that we work out dog visitation rights in the divorce agreement?
A: Your idea sounds both civilized and compassionate. Often, the dogs of divorce are thrown around as deal-breakers or abandoned altogether. Your dog is an olive branch, as well as a reminder to your ex-husband that he is lovable — although sadly not by you. The "indescribable" happiness you feel as your dog heaps affection on your "ex" speaks volumes about the goodness in you — and reminds Dog Lady yet again of the wonder of dogs and how they can soften people. Your dog can lead the way to good relations with your ex — for the sake of your children and the family pet.
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Monica Collins offers advice on dogs, life and love. Her website is www.askdoglady.com. Contact her at askdoglady@gmail.com.
