SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

January 16, 2014

Dear Abby: Man’s reticence about sex puts relationship in jeopardy

Dear Abby: I have been seeing a guy, “Karl,” for eight months now, and we have never had sex. After two or three months, I brought up the subject. He said he was stressed because he had just lost his job. He also said there is never any privacy at his place because he has roommates/tenants. I offered to go to my place, but he said that with my son there, it’s the same issue.

Karl says he’s very attracted to me but doesn’t want our “time” together to be ruined by his current money problems. I told him I understood, and I have waited. I also explained that it makes me feel insecure and unwanted.

He now has a job, but we still haven’t had sex. He has, in the interim, told me he loves me and wants to marry me. I constantly worry that there’s someone else and wonder what’s wrong with me. I love Karl, too, but I don’t know what to do. Please help. — Love, But No Sex In New Jersey

Dear Love, But: Is there any intimacy AT ALL in your relationship with Karl? Is he affectionate? Is there any physical response when he holds and kisses you? If the answer is no, your boyfriend may have a physical or emotional problem, be asexual or gay.

Before agreeing to marry him, I recommend you schedule some time alone together by spending a few romantic weekends at a hotel or motel. It may give you a better idea of what your future would be like if you two decide the tie the knot.

Dear Abby: I am a 30-year-old gay man who works in an office with 20 women. In the five years I have worked here, many of my co-workers have either gotten married or had children.

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