SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

January 28, 2014

Dear Abby: Dad looking to relocate hates to leave needy parents behind

Dear Abby: My two children and I have lived with my parents for a few years because I had some health problems. Now that I am healthy again, I’m ready to return to work and move to a new home, but I am encountering severe resistance from my parents.

As I have recovered, our situation has gone from my parents helping me to my assuming the majority of the household responsibilities. My parents say they know I want to go back to work and know it will be good for me to be independent, but because of their own health concerns, they need me to stay. I have always felt a strong responsibility toward my family, but I know that not having a home to call our own limits the personal growth of my children and me.

I have been offered a great job in another state that would allow me to provide well for my children, but I feel crushing guilt for even considering leaving my parents to fend for themselves. I know this will be a life-changing decision for all of us, so please give me an objective point of view.

Dad Torn In Two Directions In Texas

Dear Dad: On an emotional level, of course your leaving will be traumatic for your parents. They will miss you and the children and all the activity in the house they have become used to. Also, someone may have to assume the household chores that you have been taking care of.

If you accept this job — and in my opinion you should if you can’t find one that pays as well closer to your parents — perhaps you could subsidize a housekeeper, a cleaning company or someone to help with the yard work a few times a month.

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