:Dear Abby: I am a divorced woman in my mid-40s. I started dating again about two years ago, and shortly after, I met “Jed.” He is someone I’d love to spend the rest of my life with. We have been seeing each other for more than a year, and I’d like some sort of commitment. I have tried talking to him about it. All he’ll say is, “We’re committed and monogamous and that’s enough, so don’t start with me.”
We spend Thursday through Sunday together. Jed says Monday through Wednesday is his time to be alone. We don’t talk or see each other during that time. We may email or text, but I’m not allowed to go to his house or call him. I have told him I don’t want to still be packing for weekend trips to his house — it’s 10 minutes away — when I’m 80.
I also never know how Jed feels about me. He never tells me he loves me, and if I say it, he’ll say it back very quickly like it’s an inconvenience. He doesn’t compliment me or act like I’m important to him at all.
I’m financially stable but would have a better lifestyle if I could share the bills with someone. Marriage is not important, and I have explained that to him, but I want a full-time commitment. Am I wasting my time?
:Time’s A-Wastin’ In Georgia
:Dear Time’s A-Wastin’: Do you realize that not once in your letter did you mention anything POSITIVE Jed does for you? He has told you directly that this is as committed as he’s willing to get. Men who “love” women don’t forbid them from coming to their home or calling; in fact, they WELCOME them. Jed doesn’t say “I love you” unless he is cornered because it appears he DOESN’T love you.