SalemNews.com, Salem, MA

Lifestyle

November 1, 2013

Dear Abby: Mom is center of tug-of-war between boyfriend and her son

Dear Abby: I have been divorced five years and have five children, ranging in age from 23 to 8. When I was having trouble with my middle son, “Logan,” I found help from his godfather, “Carl.” I hadn’t seen Carl in years. He was my ex’s best friend when Logan was born.

Long story short, Carl and I have been in a committed relationship for two years now. He has been more a part of our lives than my ex has. Four of my kids love Carl, and he is very involved in their lives. Logan, however, hates him and throws a fit if his name is mentioned. I have tried to explain that I didn’t intend this to happen, but Logan feels I “took away his godfather from him.” Carl is still there for him, but Logan will have none of it and refuses to listen.

Carl and I mainly spend time together on the weekends we don’t have our kids, or meet for lunch or breakfast. I’m at a loss. Logan is now 17. I don’t want to lose Carl. He’s a great man and wants what’s best for me and the kids. What should I do?

Pulled In Two Directions In Canada

Dear Pulled: Logan may be 17, but he is acting like a child. Do not let his behavior discourage you from having a life. In another year he will be 18 — and either concentrating on finishing his education or finding a job.

Logan needs to realize that he hasn’t “lost” a godfather, and that everyone may eventually be gaining a stepdad. He also needs to understand that if he can’t accept it, he will find himself odd man out in an otherwise healthy, happy and functional family.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend of five years, “Todd,” is a daily pot smoker. We met during our senior year of college, and I knew he smoked. I don’t use drugs, and I assumed that after college he would grow up. However, it seems unlikely that he will quit, and frankly, I’m sick of it.

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