LAWRENCE | Andy Jimenez spent weeks holed up in his room, grieving for his older brother, Army Spc. Alex Jimenez.
Images of his childhood ran through his mind, including Alex teaching him how to ride a bicycle.
He also daydreamed of a happy future, seeing his brother again and telling him he loved him.
Andy, 19, broke his silence by granting his first interview since his brother was captured by terrorists in Iraq 68 days ago.
It's been a difficult two months, he says.
"I don't like talking about it because it's too painful," Andy said, his folded hands pressed tightly against his chest.
"It's stressful, because I don't know what he's going through, whether he's dead or alive or whether he's getting tortured," Andy said, resting his head on his father's shoulder and rubbing his stomach.
"It's also stressful because I can't do anything about it," he said.
Andy, who was in Lawrence this week visiting his father, also called Andy, talked about his relationship with his big brother, his brother's disappearance and his hopes for Alex's safe return home.
He also wanted to thank the hundreds of people in the Merrimack Valley who have offered their prayers and support for Alex and his family.
To cope, young Andy tries to think about only the good times he and Alex, 25, have shared.
He remembers Alex teaching him how to ride a bicycle when he was 4, and their long talks about everything and anything.
"I looked up to him, and he's not with me right now," said Andy, looking down at the grass. "When I see him, I'm going to tell him I love him."
Andy was born in New York and moved to Lawrence with his family when he was 2. He attended Head Start and the city's Leahy School before returning to New York.
"I find strength in my parents and seeing how they handle all the stuff they go through," Andy said.
He is slowly getting his life back to normal, he says. He is back at work and again interacting with family members and friends, whom he had shunned for a time.
"I'm happy he's here because we can share and talk," said his 53-year-old dad. "We've always been close."
Alex Jimenez disappeared with two other soldiers after being ambushed by a group linked to al-Qaida just south of Baghdad on May 12. Jimenez and Pvt. Byron Fouty, 19, of Michigan remain missing. Only their military identification cards have been found. The body of the third soldier was recovered from the Euphrates River.
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