SWAMPSCOTT — Yesterday wasn't a great day for Madelyn Kelly. It wasn't a terribly bad day, either. She says she doesn't have a lot of those.
It was just a day she was asked to put into words feelings that are deeply personal and will always be painful.
It was the fifth anniversary of the day her husband, Michael Kelly, died while covering the war in Iraq for The Washington Post and The Atlantic Monthly.
He was a passenger in a Humvee that came under fire. The vehicle rolled into a ditch, killing Kelly and an American soldier. Kelly was the first American reporter to die covering the war.
"I wish I had some way to put it into words," Madelyn Kelly said of her loss. "It doesn't go away. Certain days are harder than others."
For the past 31/2 years, Kelly and her two sons, Tom, 11, and Jack, 8, who still live in Swampscott, have belonged to a family support group called The Children's Room that meets in Arlington every other week. It offers healing for young children who have lost a parent, whether in the war or to disease.
Kelly thinks she and the families of Sept. 11 victims in some ways have it easier than other families who lose a loved one to something like a heart attack. On a day like yesterday, her loss is recognized.
"Bereavement groups are good for people who don't always get that acknowledgement," she said. "There are a lot of people in a lot of pain."
Shortly after her husband's death, Kelly and the two boys spent a year in France. It was a sojourn the couple had been planning for a while, and after careful thought, Kelly decided to carry through. She has no regrets.
"It was a great thing to do and it was a hard thing to do" she said. "It would have been better if Mike was there — we missed him."
The family was headed down to Washington, D.C., yesterday for the dedication of the Journalists Memorial in the Newseum, where the history of press and media coverage of the news is on display. The new Newseum's grand opening will be celebrated next Friday.
The names of 1,843 journalists who died while reporting the news between 1837 and 2007 — including Michael Kelly — are etched into the interactive Journalists Memorial.
Like the parent of any kids who have lost a parent, Kelly said she worries about how it will affect hers. But they're doing well in school and are as well-adjusted as can be expected, she said.
It's sometimes hard to believe five years have gone by, she said, and sobering to consider that Jack is now more than twice as old as he was at the time of his father's death.
Kelly has a lot of good days, she said, and they're no different from anyone else's good days — the kids get off to school on time and without any arguments and the rest of the day proceeds smoothly.
"I'm not a very unhappy person," she said.
She struggles to describe the feelings that will never go away, but shares a friend's outlook.
"She's also a widow, and she recently remarried," Kelly said. "She loves her husband, but she still mourns the future she'll never have."
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