Doctors confirmed in November what Mike and Melissa Freni had suspected for a while. Joey, their 2-year-old son, was more than slow to talk. His behaviors had a name — Pervasive Developmental Delay, more commonly known as autism.
The news hurt at first. A grieving period sets in when parents realize the life they pictured for their child has been shattered.
"That lasted two days," Mike says. "Then you move on. You have to move on."
So they immersed themselves in a world they knew little about. They made phone calls to sign up Joey for therapy five days a week. They devoured every book they could find on autism and attended a conference on the disorder. They even bought an indoor trampoline when a therapist suggested the physical activity could help their son focus.
On Monday, the mission continues when Mike runs the Boston Marathon — the first road race of his life — to raise money for LADDERS, an autism program at Massachusetts General Hospital that has helped Joey.
When an e-mail went out to friends and family asking for support, Mike hoped to raise $5,000.
"I think I got $5,000 in 12 hours," he says. So far, the pledges total $20,000.
Mike grew up in Beverly, the second-oldest of eight, and the family's reach is wide. Still, they are amazed at how far the original e-mail has traveled and how many people have been touched in the process.
In his appeal letter, Mike, 28, explains Joey's disorder with a touching choice of words:
"He cannot tell us he is hurt if he falls and cannot tell us he loves us when we hug him. Our heart breaks every time he becomes frustrated when he is unable to tell us what he wants or needs. In spite of this, he has become the glue that holds our family together. He is my hero and has given me new appreciation of life."
Besides raising money for LADDERS, Mike's marathon run serves another purpose. The couple has found a positive and indirect way to break the news that their son is autistic. Five months later, some co-workers, friends and acquaintances still don't know about Joey's diagnosis. Mike and Melissa are hesitant to tell people at times, though not out of embarrassment. They are very proud parents.
"We just don't want people to feel sorry for us," Melissa says.
And pity is often a reaction they get. Or worse, they hear, "Oh my God, I would die if I had an autistic child." There's no good rebuttal to such a remark.
Sometimes well-intentioned strangers in the supermarket approach Joey and ask for his name. Nicholas, his 3-year-old brother, will usually answer. Melissa struggles with when to offer an explanation. No, he's not shy. He's not grumpy. He's autistic. It's not an easy conversation.
At the park the other day, Joey broke into a 15-minute fit, rolling around in frustration. The therapists tell the couple to wait it out. But Melissa wonders in times like this if she should explain the outburst to the other parents, or just ignore the stares.
For that reason, and many more, the couple agreed the marathon would help Joey, help them and educate people about autism, a disorder reaching epidemic proportions in the United States.
Mike hopes to complete the 26.2-mile course in under four hours. Melissa, Nicholas and Joey will be waiting near the end in Boston to cheer him on.
The first-time runner didn't sound nervous this week. Every day, he explains, is a marathon for his son. Such courage should be enough to help a father finish one.
To donate, visit www.firstgiving.com/michaelfreni.
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Staff writer Susan Flynn can be reached at 978-338-2675 or by e-mail at srfleighton@comcast.net.
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