We need to talk. So sorry to tell you this, but I want to break up!
It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not cut out for being with someone who’s so relentless — and so cold!
Don’t get me wrong, I admire your gifts — those perfectly formed snowflakes (no two alike, so exquisite) and those lovely blankets of snow. How generously you shower me with your gifts, and so often!
But enough is enough already. It’s just way too much! How many white blankets does one really need? And they start out so pristine and so pretty, but in just a few days, they turn into dirty, ugly piles I have no idea what to do with.
Not to mention the ton of manual labor you require. I never signed up for that. Sure, I don’t mind physical exercise now and again, but having to dig myself out day after day after day — it’s just too much to handle, especially that mound at the end of the driveway.
The postponements and the cancellations are the final straw. Every time I look forward to something, it’s postponed or canceled. How can one possibly plan a life with that happening all the time?
So, while I’m really sorry, I think it’s best we break up. I imagine you’ll find some ice queen who can appreciate your many gifts. As for me, I’ve become interested in someone else — someone named Spring.
Spring can be moody, but after what you and I have gone through, showers here and there won’t faze me in the least. And I’ll take sunshine over your frostiness any day of the week!
Wishing you the best. Let’s try to put this season behind us, shall we?
Yours No More,
Mary Alice Cookson is a magazine editor and columnist. She welcomes comments at email@example.com.