May 21, 2008 04:30 am Q: I am recently engaged. Of course, people ask to see my wedding ring, and I am very fortunate I have a beautiful stone. The questions and comments I receive are astonishing and range from, "Is it real?" to "How many carats?" to "How much do you think that set him back?" What is a good way to answer these stupid people? A: Congratulations on your engagement! A very exciting time in both your lives. Please be reminded that however well-intentioned, sometimes people say things which just come out sounding wrong. I am sure the individuals commenting on your beautiful new ring do not intend to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Perhaps it is their way of extending a compliment. Either way, a good response to "Is it real?" is no response, implying of course that it is real. And even in the event that it is not real, there is no need to dignify such a question. "How many carats?" Your response: "Thank you, I love my engagement ring. My fiance has beautiful taste." "How much do you think that set him back?" Your response: Smile and do not dignify this question, or any question pertaining to a price: a ring, your home, a dress. How much you paid for anything is no one's business. Q: A friend of ours lost her husband three years ago, and his voice is still on her voicemail recording when you call the house. Aside from the fact that I feel she is living in the past, it creeps me out. Is there a respectable time when the voice of the deceased should be removed and replaced by someone who is living? Can I tell her I think this is odd? A: I am sorry for the loss of your friend's husband. This is no doubt very difficult for your friend, his widow. Hearing his voice when she calls in and knowing his voice is still on her home voice mail recording no doubt gives her comfort. Whether or not this makes you or others uncomfortable is incidental; her comfort is paramount. Further, as a single woman living alone, I am sure she also likes the fact that a man's voice is on the recording, for obvious reasons. Please know there are no hard and fast rules here and I believe your friend, the widow, or anyone who has endured the loss of a loved one should leave their loved one's voice on their home recording for as long as they like, knowing this gives them some level of comfort and peace. I would say nothing to your friend and let her enjoy the temporary peace she clearly experiences knowing her (deceased) husband is still answering their home telephone. ><p>
Judy Bowman is the president of Protocol Consultants International, providing etiquette training to corporate executives. Etiquette questions may be submitted to Everyday Etiquette, c/o Salem News, 32 Dunham Road, Beverly, MA 01915 or e-mail features@eagletribune.com.
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