Q: I am a new manager and recently had the opportunity to post a job. In this market, I was inundated by the response. Out of the more than 100 résumés and applications I received, I selected 10 for the telephone screen. I told them when I spoke with them that they would hear from me only if I was going to bring them in for an interview. From the 10, I chose five to interview. From the five, I brought three back for the next round. I have selected one person to offer the job to and will do that soon. Now, I know I need to call the four who did not get the job. I am dreading the calls. What do I say, and when should I call them?
A: In this situation, the Golden Rule applies. It is a tough job market out there and for applicants to never hear back from you after interviewing is just cruel. Think of how you would feel just never hearing back. While these are difficult calls make, it is important to let candidates know where they stand. Be sure to offer the job to your first-choice candidate and have him/her accept. Then you have the choice of either calling or sending letters to the other candidates. Whether over the phone or in writing, be sure to keep your message short and positive. You never know when you will meet this candidate again — and on which side of the hiring desk you will be sitting.
Q: My wife and I are planning a large cocktail party. Several of our invitees are either divorced or widowed. Two of the widowed friends, after decent periods of time, are dating, but not each other! We think that some of the divorcees are dating, too. Do we invite our single friends Mr. John Jones and Guest or Mr. John Jones? Thanks!
A: The quick answer is, call or e-mail single friends to find out if there is anyone serious in their lives. If they have been dating exclusively, then invite the date by name on the invitation. If they are playing the field, since you have a few other single friends, invite them singly so that they have the opportunity to flirt and possibly meet that special someone at your party! Overall, if you have six or more single guests, you are in the clear. If everyone is paired but for one or two people, then those people should be invited with a guest.
Q: This year, we are opting out of the big Thanksgiving celebration. The tension over the past few years has been too much, and the stress of the gathering is just not worth the seven-hour car ride there and the seven-hour car ride back with small children strapped into the back of the car. While my wife and I are fine, even gleeful, about our decision, how do we tell my parents?
A: The sooner the better! Springing your regretful RSVP on your mom a few days before Thanksgiving is a recipe for disaster. Instead, man up and tell her ASAP. Be sure to keep the conversation short, general and apologetic. No need to read off a list of past transgressions nor is there a need to share how happy you are not to be going.
As you wind down the conversation, include either an offer of a visit on another date or an invitation for your parents to come visit you so the fact you are not making an appearance is not perceived as an attempt to keep grandparents from spending time with their grandchildren. Since this is your family, the call needs to be made by you, not your wife.
¢¢¢
Jodi R.R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to e-mail her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.
