By Steve Landwehr
STAFF WRITER
October 06, 2008 06:51 am Everyone's life has a story. In "Lives," we tell some of the stories about North Shore people who have died recently. "Lives" runs Mondays in The Salem News. MARBLEHEAD — She was proud of serving her country in the United States Marine Corps in World War II, as an airplane mechanic, no less. She was thrilled with the bachelor's degree she earned from Salem State College, magna cum laude, at 56. And she was happy to give of her time to public service, not necessarily to the usual causes. You would have been glad to call her your friend for all those reasons, but for this one, even more so: If you wanted to plan a celebration, a real blowout jamboree, you'd call Pat Durkee, party animal. "She was a holiday incarnate," daughter Karen Heywood said, laughing. She's going to miss the last get-together in her honor this Saturday, a memorial service — it's really a party — at the Corinthian Yacht Club in Marblehead. But you can bet her spirit will be there, and in costume, to boot. Durkee died Sept. 25, at her home in Marblehead. She was 85. She lived for the big event, which could be anything from a birthday to a football game, and she believed in dressing for the occasion. "She thought nothing of showing up at my house by herself dressed as a football player for the Super Bowl," Heywood said. She was born in Beverly April 24, 1923, the daughter of Samuel and Georgianna Cole. She grew up in Winchester, but you would have to say the true family hearth was in a summer cottage at Goodwin's Landing in Marblehead, originally owned by her grandfather, L. Howard Cole. In 1995, Durkee put together what may have been her sweetest bash, a celebration of 100 years of summer happiness at the family compound, which is what it still is and probably always will be. Fourth of July festivities were the norm, but that year Durkee went all out. She put together costumes from every generation of Coles, from her grandfather's World War I uniform, to her dress whites from the second war to end all wars, to her granddaughters all dolled up in some of her childhood dresses When it came to this costume party, no one was spared a trip down the runway, and no one cared. Her gaiety and charm left no room for embarrassment. "She was not self-conscious about herself, and people counted on her for that," Heywood said. People also came to rely on Durkee whenever they needed a costume of their own. If she didn't have what they needed, she knew where to get it or how to put it together. She was in her glory 10 years ago when she got the chance to plan her second marriage, a glamorous soiree at Glen Magna in Danvers. Her groom, Daniel Ruggles, placed a wedding ring on her finger for the first time that day, but it wasn't the first time he carried one for her. He was the best man at her first wedding. The couple reconnected after Durkee's divorce and the death of Ruggles' wife. No regrets After the war, Durkee raised her three daughters, Karen, Joan and Sarah, in Marblehead, first in a home on Euclid Avenue and later on Shorewood Road. A strong believer in education, she became a Realtor to pay for sending two of her daughters to Pingree School in South Hamilton. She earned her own long-desired bachelor's of science degree in social work later on. Along with the sheepskin, she got an enormous diploma from her friends. "Master's of Positive Thinking," it read. Her children were out and on their own by the time she went back to school, and those empty bedrooms gave her the opportunity to offer housing to Salem State students who couldn't find their own. "She loved being with young people," Heywood said, "and she missed us." She served meals for many years at the Crombie Street shelter in Salem, and was the longtime manager of the thrift shop at Salem Hospital. She also volunteered at MCI Concord with the Peaceful Movement Committee, which aims to provide some normal human contacts for prison lifers. Heywood knows Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a trial this year, and many more. "Me and my kids have never spent one holiday or birthday without her," she said. She plans to try to pick up the slack, and her mom's influence has already rubbed off on her. She's been a kindergarten teacher in the Boston school system for many years and dresses in costume for every holiday. "It's not about me, it's about her," Heywood said. The last five years weren't easy for Durkee. She was plagued by a string of illnesses that eventually claimed her life, but not her spirit. Heywood walked into Durkee's room shortly before she died and found her alone, in bed, with a big smile on her face. "What are you smiling at?" she asked her mom, whose answer summed up a life lived without regret. "At the world." Staff writer Steve Landwehr can be reached at 978-338-2660 or by e-mail at slandwehr@salemnews.com.
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