When a mother found out her kid was one of a few dozen underage teens partying at a Middleton house Tuesday night, she became irate — at the police officers breaking up the house party.

When Marblehead police were searching for a 16-year-old boy who had disappeared after a New Year's Eve party earlier this year, one parent refused to let her child talk to police on the advice of her lawyer.

After a Hamilton mom was caught hosting an underage party with marijuana and alcohol two years ago, she blamed school officials for tipping off police and the Police Department for blowing the incident out of proportion.

All of which is leaving many to wonder if parents are refusing to take the issue of underage drinking seriously.

"It's not all parents, obviously," Middleton police Sgt. Gayle Haley said. "But it's not like when we were kids. Most parents don't want to believe that their kids have done something wrong."

The latest example came last week in Middleton as police broke up an underage drinking party on East Street. Officers began to administer blood alcohol tests with a portable Breathalyzer in an attempt, Haley said, to determine whether the teens could safely drive home.

That's when police say a parent of one of the teens showed up and became furious with officers, claiming they couldn't talk to the kids because they were minors, according to police.

"It goes either one of two ways," Haley said. "The parents are really upset with the child or they're really upset with the police.

"You don't want to believe bad things about your kids, even though we all know they're capable of making poor choices," she said. "If their parents continue to reinforce their child's poor choices, they're going to continue to make poor ones instead of learning from their mistakes and not repeating them."

In Danvers, the town has launched DanversCares, which tries to guide kids toward healthy lifestyle decisions.

"Some people still have the perception that it isn't a major incident," Danvers police Sgt. Robert Bettencourt said.

DanversCares was started at a time when some parents had become reluctant to stop underage drinking and others were actively hosting supervised parties where teens were required to hand over their keys — something seen in communities all over the North Shore.

"Just because somebody takes the keys doesn't mean the kids don't have a duplicate set of keys or that they won't get hurt by doing something other than driving," District Attorney Jonathan Blodgett said.

Blodgett said he visits schools and colleges and talks to parents, trying to educate people about underage drinking, particularly that exposure to alcohol before the age of 20 can cause brain damage.

"We try to give them as much information as possible," Blodgett said.

Haley said police understand parents' concerns that an underage drinking arrest could lead to problems getting into college or the start of a permanent record.

So police and the district attorney's office frequently offer the option of juvenile delinquent and youthful offender programs, where participants have to complete a program that typically involves community service or educational programs or both.

"We understand kids can make poor decisions," Haley said. "We want them to learn from it."

Staff writer Chris Cassidy can be reached at ccassidy@salem news.com.