To the editor:

I know, I know. Sticking your hand into a plastic bag and picking up your dog’s fresh poop is icky. There are some serious cooties involved. But, come on. It only takes you 10 seconds. And, let’s be real, you wipe your own butt every day without the benefit of protective plastic. Lazy dog owners, I am not writing this letter to shame you. I am spectacularly uninterested in your feelings. I just want you to do you job. Stop treating your neighborhood, and your neighbors’ property, like your dog’s personal toilet. Do you job. It’s the law.

Before I end this letter I just want to give a grateful shout out to the majority of dog owners who do act responsibly every day. I see you out there, walking your furry family members and carrying those biodegradable plastic bags. You guys! You’re always ready to spring into action and make sure the sidewalks are clear. You do your part in protecting our drainage system (which runs off into our local waterways) from contamination.

Responsible dog owners, give yourself a great big hug and a cookie. You deserve it!

And as for you lazy few who can’t be bothered to take 10 seconds out of the day and do your job, I have just one more thing to say to you:

People who don’t pick up after their doggies never win Powerball.

Raelinda Woad